my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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