I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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