Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When did angry sex become our thing?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
