I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
