He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
