It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
