oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
