i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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