Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
