Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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