i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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