actually, I'm a sock model
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
