Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
