It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
