If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
