are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
