I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
