I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
