were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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