I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
