She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
