i think i have two assholes
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
