apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
