yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
