First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
