I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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