It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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