when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just found puke in my bra..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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