Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
