you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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