I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
