This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
