don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
