everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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