Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
