I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
