You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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