The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
