I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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