Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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