you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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