you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
