I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
