he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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