I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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