your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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