i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
