I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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