Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
