sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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