Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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